Feliz año nuevo, pendejos!
Hope 2015 was kind to you. Musically... truthfully... it was another sub-par year. I would love to lie and tell you it was the extravagant comeback we have been anticipating for years but frankly, it was more of the same. Thankfully, by the grace of God, I was able to gather 30 songs that I deemed worthy enough to be featured in this annual masterpiece.
I'm sure I say this every year so let me continue the tradition... this is my favorite blog to write. Matter of fact, this is the 5th annual list! *confetti falls* I understand the responsibility... I don't take this list as a joke. Throughout the year, I am closely monitoring the tunes that get my culo shaking. I say this also to remind you that these aren't the BEST songs of the year, but rather my FAVORITE. I expect your list to look very different than mine, because we different muthafuckas. But don't let that stop you from debating or even shittin' on my list. I welcome the war, hoe.
OK enough suspense... let's get to it, folks. My favorite 30 songs of the past year.
30. Nicki Minaj feat. Drake & Lil Wayne 'Truffle Butter'
Not sure what I enjoy more... the song or the definition on Urban Dictionary
29. Calvin Harris & Disciples 'How Deep Is Your Love'
Making great dance music and boning Taylor Swift. Calvin Harris, you lucky son of a gun
28. Hailee Steinfeld 'Love Myself'
96% sure this song is about masturbation
27. Halsey 'New Americana'
Getting high on legal weed? Check. Raised on Biggie & Nirvana? Check. Top 30 song? Duh
26. Selena Gomez 'Same Old Love'
Trying my hardest not to be sexually attracted to her and failing miserably
25. Gente de Zona feat. Marc Anthony 'La Gozadera'
In case you didn't believe I'm Latino
24. Melanie Martinez 'Soap'
My all-time favorite contestant from 'The Voice'
23. Miguel 'Waves'
Slowly becoming my go-to guy in the R&B department
22. DJ Snake & AlunaGeorge 'You Know You Like It'
21. Skrillex & Diplo feat. AlunaGeorge 'To U'
Still unclear about who AlunaGeorge is/are but welcome to the top 30, you infectious asshole(s)
20. Justin Bieber 'What Do You Mean?'
In 2016, there shall be no more Belieber shaming
19. Walk The Moon 'Shut Up & Dance'
Would've been higher if I didn't hear it 35325647 times
18. Elle King 'Ex's & Oh's'
Mmmm bring your lil chubby, tattooed ass over here
17. G-Eazy feat. Bebe Rexha 'Me Myself & I'
Are we positive this isn't Drake?
16. Troy Ave 'Doo Doo'
Shittin' on haters, literally
15. Luke Bryan 'Kick The Dust Up'
A country song made my top 30! History has been made!
14. Tori Kelly 'Nobody Love'
Taylor is lucky she has my heart, 'cuz I'd taste a scoop of Tori Kelly's vanilla ice cream any day
13. Fifth Harmony feat. Kid Ink 'Worth It'
Come & show me that you're wit it, wit it, wit it, wit it
12. Macklemore & Ryan Lewis 'Downtown'
You recruit Melle Mel, Grandmaster Caz and Kool Moe Dee for a song... in 2015?! Awesome
11. Missy Elliott feat. Pharrell 'WTF (Where They From)'
Missy could literally drop wet farts on this electric Neptunes beat for three minutes and still make my list
10. Mark Ronson feat. Bruno Mars 'Uptown Funk'
I know what you're thinking... every time Bruno Mars makes the countdown, I reference his 'Moonshine Jungle' show that I attended at the Barclay's Center in the spring of 2013. How it was the best live performance I have ever attended. How energetic, lively and overall entertaining he was. I promise you, I will not do that this year.
9. Meek Mill feat. Tory Lanez 'Lord Knows'
Look, I know he battled Drake and got embarrassed. I know he was the subject of many mean-spirited memes. I could care less. Maybe I'm swayed because this was the backdrop to the most epic scene in 'Creed'. Whatever the case, this BANGS. So yes, Meek Mill might have caught an L to Drake, but that Canadian clown didn't sniff a spot on my top 30, so who really won?
8. Demi Lovato 'Cool For The Summer'
I couldn't name you three Demi Lovato songs if my life depended on it. I mean, I know she is... the kind-of-cute judge from the X-Factor that used to be depressed. But her music never struck a chord with me. That is, until she dropped this anthem that is sure to be played during our warmest season for the next century.
7. The Weeknd 'Can't Feel My Face'
Justin Timberlake has been trying his best to channel Michael Jackson for years now, even 'collaborating' with MJ on his posthumous release 'Xscape' in 2014. He never got close. THIS song? This feels like MJ reborn. No one will ever come THAT close to the greatness that is Michael Jackson, but I applaud the Weeknd for his valiant effort.
6. Yelawolf feat. Eminem 'Best Friend'
Group me in with the people that find Yelawolf to be a bit corny. Not to say he doesn't have redeeming qualities, I just don't get it. That surely didn't stop me from having this in rotation for at least half the year. In 2016, let's make a plea to release more gully songs about Papa Dios.
5. Lupe Fiasco 'Deliver'
Last year, I found it in my heart to forgive Taylor Swift and Katy Perry, two artists I had previously despised, and reward them with much deserved top 3 spots. Those close to me know why I'm at war with Lupe, and you will know one day when I write my New York Times best seller. Let's just say shit ain't sweet. I may be a lot of things but dammit, I am fair. Lupe's look on poverty in the inner city while using something as delicious as pizza as a metaphor is everything I wish rap was today.
4. J. Cole 'No Role Modelz
'First things first, RIP Uncle Phil... for real.' Captain Save-A-Hoe's beware, this is not the song for you. It's been over a year since Cole dropped his new age classic '2014 Forest Hills Drive' and I still can't get enough. It's refreshing to hear an MC chastise reality show hoes when most of this coon rappers put out trash to attract them.
3. Zedd feat. Jon Bellion 'Beautiful Now'
Usually when I'm running my ass off on the treadmill, the fast paced dance music that gets my legs moving tends to be a bit empty in terms of emotion or content. Ahhhh, at last, I have discovered the perfect mix. The ultimate backdrop to what was a wonderful 2015 for your boy.
2. Major Lazer X DJ Snake feat. Mo 'Lean On'
I have a tight knit group of friends. A lot of them, I have known for over half my life. They understand why I am the crazy mutant I am today. So when I hear something like 'focus, fire a gun, we all need someone to lean on', it gets my spidey sense tingling. The only thing that would make it better is if it were over a thumping Indian-influenced beat. Oh it has that, too? Badass.
1. Taylor Swift 'Bad Blood'
This isn't like last year where 'Happy' was my clear cut #1. Any of the top five songs could have had this spot. So let's look at the tie breakers. Video? Taylor, surrounded by various models and actresses, posing as blood-thirsty heroines. Impact? You already know the numbers '1989' did, and this was arguably her biggest hit off the album. Can I mention how Kendrick Lamar is one of my favorite current MC's, yet I refuse to sync the remix of this song that he's featured on onto my iPod because his verses essentially equate to less Taylor? And finally, and most importantly, let's factor in how I am utterly obsessed with her. I have her calendar on my wall, for crying out loud. Yes, Taylor Swift is #1... on this list, and in my heart.
And there you have it... another year in the books. Can Taylor Swift go back to back next year? Which artist who I currently hate will I forgive? Stay tuned! Until then, I hope 2016 finds you much success, whatever that means to you.
