Blogs on back-to-back days?! Has this dude lost his mind?!
Complete coincidence, kids. Don't get used to it. But today is the big day... Super Bowl 50. You're familiar with the storylines. The young gunner Cam Newton trying to win his first chip against the old arm of Peyton Manning. So who will win in this battle of dabby versus flabby? It's prediction time, bitches.
Panthers over Broncos
The Panthers have defied all odds this season, coming one fluky loss to Atlanta away from running the table. When top WR Kelvin Benjamin tore every ligament in his leg before the season began, it looked like Carolina's offense would be putrid, with only premier TE Greg Olsen resembling a threat. But Cam, in true MVP form, put the team on his back, even making previous scrub Ted Ginn Jr. a legitimate star. The Panthers O is definitely one of those units where it's sum is bigger than it's individual parts, and it's an understatement to say that Cam is the glue that brings it all together.
They'll have their hands full with the vaunted Denver defense. The #1 overall D this year equipped with playmakers throughout the field, the Broncos have excelled at making top-tier offenses look mediocre. The issue here is Carolina has beaten Arizona and Seattle in the postseason so far, and those two teams, although not ranked as high as Denver, are also known for their punishing defenses. Many think Cam, in his first Super Bowl trip, will have his hands full with the Denver D, but actually I think it's the complete opposite.
However, the game is really going to come down to Denver's offense vs. Carolina's defense. Much has been said about Peyton's season. Dead arm against the strong winds of the winter, mixed with a injured foot lead to the opening of the Brock Osweiler show. While Brock looked serviceable, even at the age of 39, Peyton gives Denver the best chance to win. And that almost 40-year-old arm will be the key to this game. Sailing cream puffs to a Carolina D that picked MVP candidate Carson Palmer four times, including taking one to the house, is not a recipe for victory. Peyton needs his arm to become bionic in what could be his last rodeo. I don't see it. The Panthers are steamrolling teams right now and I don't believe Denver has the firepower to keep up.
The interesting piece will be how Peyton's legacy goes down if he does indeed lose. Dan Marino would be the first to tell you that he'd trade in all his legendary stats for just one ring, but for Peyton to get to the big show four times and only leave with one ring would be disappointing. For any ordinary QB, not a big deal, but for someone in the all-time QB discussion, that could be a devastating blow. For that reason, and the fact that he's Eli's big bro, my heart is with Peyton. But my mind is with Cam and the Panthers.
Carolina 34, Denver 21
Enjoy the game, pendejos. Be safe and easy on the pizza.
Sunday, February 7, 2016
Saturday, February 6, 2016
My least favorite songs of 2015
Greetings, mutants!
As you may (or should) have read by now, my favorite 30 songs of 2015 are in the books. Awesome anthems like 'Bad Blood', 'I Can't Feel My Face' and 'Uptown Funk' made last year magical. But not magical enough. Sadly, musical geniuses like Taylor Swift, The Weeknd and Bruno Mars were outnumbered by tone deaf trolls who continue to pollute the airwaves with their over-saturated tunes.
In an effort to highlight the biggest offenders, last year I began to list my LEAST favorite songs of the year. Because they need some love, too. And I'm not gonna lie... I am starting to enjoy this more than listing my actual favorites. This is like my therapy... being able to pound on the keyboard and shit on all these scam artists posing as recording artists.
Well, my friends, this year will be no different. My wrath will be unleashed once again! *clears throat* OK quick reminder... I only focused on songs that were mainstream relevant. No need to point the finger on some fucktard's mixtape that he's harassing tourists to buy in Times Square. The bigger the impact these songs made, the more likely they were to piss me off.
It's go time. I present to you... my least favorite songs of 2015.
Fetty Wap 'Trap Queen'
From the moment I heard this travesty, I knew it would be on this list. The fact that this is arguably one of the biggest hits of 2015 is an indictment on how dumbed down the audience has become. Fans of this trash are going to say I am unreasonably sour on this song but tell me, what do you like about it? Is it the off-key belting? Or maybe it's the solid content, praising birds who handle drugs for their scumbag boyfriends? Oh, that's right... it's catchy. If you have this on your playlist, there's a warm place in hell for your tasteless ass.
Pitbull feat. Ne-Yo 'Time Of Our Lives'
After appearing on my top songs of the year list repeatedly, Pitbull appeared on the worst song list last year for his collaboration with that skank Ke$ha. Now he drags poor Ne-Yo into the mix with one of the worst written songs of '15. Here's the gem of a chorus:
I knew my rent was gon' be late about a week ago
I worked my ass off, but I still can't pay it though
But I got just enough to get up in this club
Have me a good time, before my time is up
Wonderful message. Hey kids, fuck your rent... go to the club and waste your money on overpriced alcoholic beverages while you listen to rubbish like this!
Meghan Trainor 'Dear Future Husband'
I really wanted to put anything this culture vulture sings but I will narrow it down to one of her corny ass songs. Ever since I heard 'All About That Bass', I knew this snowflake was up to no good, defacing old school soul music by slapping a big, fat pasty face on it. It's a shame we struggle to highlight black soul singers but are quick to promote melanin-challenged muthafuckas like this who are nothing but cheap imitations. Speaking of which...
Charlie Pugh feat. Meghan Trainor 'Marvin Gaye'
You thought you were off the hook, Meghan? Well not so fast! Now your equally annoying sidekick is gonna get some, too. It's one thing ripping off black music, but then having the audacity to use a legendary black singer as the title of the song? Oh no he didn't. Yeah, I know Charlie, you were aight on that Wiz track and maybe your chorus made a few folks shed some tears for Paul, but that doesn't earn you a 'get out of jail free' card. 'Let's Marvin Gaye and get it on?' Both of you, go somewhere deserted and take your watered down, soul-lacking 'soul music' with you.
Usher feat. Juicy J 'I Don't Mind'
Just when you thought Pitbull & Ne-Yo had the 'worst written song of the year' award wrapped up, here comes this little gem. So apprarently, this song is about dating a stripper and being able to see past the obvious obstacles because, despite her shaking her culo in front of a bunch of derelicts, she's still leaving the club with you. And you know what? I'm willing to look past that, because there are a handful of dancers who are swallowing their pride so they can put themselves through school or feed their kids. But here's the problem...
'I make enough for the both of us, but you dance anyway'
Yes, that's an actual lyric from this shit-fest of a song. Ursher makes it clear that his income can comfortably support himself and this trick, but she still chooses to drop down and get her eagle on for singles. And here I thought stripping was a last resort to make some money. How foolish!
Rihanna & Kanye West feat. Paul McCartney 'Four Five Seconds'
Kanye West is married to Kim Kardashian... and I HATE Kim Kardashian. That association alone could land this song on this list. The biggest reason? Kanye's awful singing. Look, everybody can't be Drake. And really, why would someone as talented as Kanye want to follow that blueprint anyway? That singing shit ain't for everyone. To make matters worse, Rihanna slayed the track. Take out Yeezy, factor in the Beatles connection and RiRi might be taking home a grammy. You hear that, Kanye? You just cost Rihanna a grammy. Selfish prick.
Drake & Future 'Jumpman'
Speaking of Drake, what the fuck was this? Is this what the kids are listening to now-a-days? This is another case of addition by subtraction. Admittedly, this song would've avoided this list with just Drizzy. But just like practically everything in life, Future ruins it. What is the obsession with this dude? He sounds like someone with down syndrome being autotuned. Google the lyrics to this rubbage and tell me if I'm missing something. I know style has always played a big part in rap music but when it's 95% style and 5% substance, something has gotta change.
I think I got enough off my chest for one year. Let this be a message to all artists, regardless of genre... I'm watching you. Drop some basura in 2016 and I'm gonna be on yo' ass. GeeQue, out.
As you may (or should) have read by now, my favorite 30 songs of 2015 are in the books. Awesome anthems like 'Bad Blood', 'I Can't Feel My Face' and 'Uptown Funk' made last year magical. But not magical enough. Sadly, musical geniuses like Taylor Swift, The Weeknd and Bruno Mars were outnumbered by tone deaf trolls who continue to pollute the airwaves with their over-saturated tunes.
In an effort to highlight the biggest offenders, last year I began to list my LEAST favorite songs of the year. Because they need some love, too. And I'm not gonna lie... I am starting to enjoy this more than listing my actual favorites. This is like my therapy... being able to pound on the keyboard and shit on all these scam artists posing as recording artists.
Well, my friends, this year will be no different. My wrath will be unleashed once again! *clears throat* OK quick reminder... I only focused on songs that were mainstream relevant. No need to point the finger on some fucktard's mixtape that he's harassing tourists to buy in Times Square. The bigger the impact these songs made, the more likely they were to piss me off.
It's go time. I present to you... my least favorite songs of 2015.
Fetty Wap 'Trap Queen'
From the moment I heard this travesty, I knew it would be on this list. The fact that this is arguably one of the biggest hits of 2015 is an indictment on how dumbed down the audience has become. Fans of this trash are going to say I am unreasonably sour on this song but tell me, what do you like about it? Is it the off-key belting? Or maybe it's the solid content, praising birds who handle drugs for their scumbag boyfriends? Oh, that's right... it's catchy. If you have this on your playlist, there's a warm place in hell for your tasteless ass.
Pitbull feat. Ne-Yo 'Time Of Our Lives'
After appearing on my top songs of the year list repeatedly, Pitbull appeared on the worst song list last year for his collaboration with that skank Ke$ha. Now he drags poor Ne-Yo into the mix with one of the worst written songs of '15. Here's the gem of a chorus:
I knew my rent was gon' be late about a week ago
I worked my ass off, but I still can't pay it though
But I got just enough to get up in this club
Have me a good time, before my time is up
Wonderful message. Hey kids, fuck your rent... go to the club and waste your money on overpriced alcoholic beverages while you listen to rubbish like this!
Meghan Trainor 'Dear Future Husband'
I really wanted to put anything this culture vulture sings but I will narrow it down to one of her corny ass songs. Ever since I heard 'All About That Bass', I knew this snowflake was up to no good, defacing old school soul music by slapping a big, fat pasty face on it. It's a shame we struggle to highlight black soul singers but are quick to promote melanin-challenged muthafuckas like this who are nothing but cheap imitations. Speaking of which...
Charlie Pugh feat. Meghan Trainor 'Marvin Gaye'
You thought you were off the hook, Meghan? Well not so fast! Now your equally annoying sidekick is gonna get some, too. It's one thing ripping off black music, but then having the audacity to use a legendary black singer as the title of the song? Oh no he didn't. Yeah, I know Charlie, you were aight on that Wiz track and maybe your chorus made a few folks shed some tears for Paul, but that doesn't earn you a 'get out of jail free' card. 'Let's Marvin Gaye and get it on?' Both of you, go somewhere deserted and take your watered down, soul-lacking 'soul music' with you.
Usher feat. Juicy J 'I Don't Mind'
Just when you thought Pitbull & Ne-Yo had the 'worst written song of the year' award wrapped up, here comes this little gem. So apprarently, this song is about dating a stripper and being able to see past the obvious obstacles because, despite her shaking her culo in front of a bunch of derelicts, she's still leaving the club with you. And you know what? I'm willing to look past that, because there are a handful of dancers who are swallowing their pride so they can put themselves through school or feed their kids. But here's the problem...
'I make enough for the both of us, but you dance anyway'
Yes, that's an actual lyric from this shit-fest of a song. Ursher makes it clear that his income can comfortably support himself and this trick, but she still chooses to drop down and get her eagle on for singles. And here I thought stripping was a last resort to make some money. How foolish!
Rihanna & Kanye West feat. Paul McCartney 'Four Five Seconds'
Kanye West is married to Kim Kardashian... and I HATE Kim Kardashian. That association alone could land this song on this list. The biggest reason? Kanye's awful singing. Look, everybody can't be Drake. And really, why would someone as talented as Kanye want to follow that blueprint anyway? That singing shit ain't for everyone. To make matters worse, Rihanna slayed the track. Take out Yeezy, factor in the Beatles connection and RiRi might be taking home a grammy. You hear that, Kanye? You just cost Rihanna a grammy. Selfish prick.
Drake & Future 'Jumpman'
Speaking of Drake, what the fuck was this? Is this what the kids are listening to now-a-days? This is another case of addition by subtraction. Admittedly, this song would've avoided this list with just Drizzy. But just like practically everything in life, Future ruins it. What is the obsession with this dude? He sounds like someone with down syndrome being autotuned. Google the lyrics to this rubbage and tell me if I'm missing something. I know style has always played a big part in rap music but when it's 95% style and 5% substance, something has gotta change.
I think I got enough off my chest for one year. Let this be a message to all artists, regardless of genre... I'm watching you. Drop some basura in 2016 and I'm gonna be on yo' ass. GeeQue, out.
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