Wednesday, January 14, 2015

* THE FIRST ANNUAL PERSON OF THE YEAR AWARD *

I have a lot more blogs coming up... including the long awaited top songs of 2014 list (I swear, it's coming!) but in between I want to introduce to you a new tradition. A tradition that honors one person... a trend-setter, a game-changer... who deserves to be recognized for their great achievements of the past year.

I can almost guarantee that most years, this person will not be an entertainer. Why? Because 99% of them are worthless. And the 1% that is worth breathing are doing what they should be doing anyway... entertaining us properly. No extra accolades for doing your job, asshole. Also safe to say this person will not be a politician, for similar reasons. In this year's case, the person of the year is just an average Joe just like you and I (although to be fair, I'm probably a bit cooler than you). I want to lie and say there were plenty of good candidates but I did not have to put much thought into this because there was only one person that came to mind.

I'm gonna warn you... the person of the year is a man... who laid his hands on a woman. This is the time where you're thinking it's Ray Rice, that fuck face who spat on his fiancée before slapping her unconscious and dragging her out of a hotel elevator. To which I say NOOOOO, it is not him. What kind of sick animal do you think I am? That was a disgusting act that made me ashamed of ever owning him on one of my fantasy teams. I hate you, Ray Rice.

No, this man laid his hands on a woman, but he did it for the benefit of humankind. Although I am sure he did not intend to be, he is indeed a hero, who with one slap waged war against bullies and chickenheads who have been lurking this Earth for way too long.

2014's person of the year is Jorge Pena.

If you're not from New York, the name may not ring a bell. Shit, the name may not be immediately familiar to my fellow city dwellers. But Mr. Pena needs to be universally known for his act of courage. Jorge was riding the F train, presumably minding his own business, when a trio of birds who lacked home training started verbally attacking his choice of wardrobe. Being the gentleman that he is, Mr. Pena ignored this barrage, keeping his cool and letting these young shits embarrass themselves. But then the leader(?) of the pack got aggressive with the dude who was shooting all of this on his phone, aggressively knocking the phone out of his hand. That's when Jorge put on his cape and came to the rescue.

If you're impatient, I posted the clip below, and if you've seen it before, you know how this ends. Jorge questions why she would do that, she responds, he calls her a bitch, and she hits him. Then magic happens. Jorge cocks back and delivers a slap that sends Danay Howard several feet back. The slap heard around the world. Even the original clip is titled so perfectly... 'man slaps the soul out of girl on the NY subway'. Congrats, Danay. You are now known as the idiot who tried to bully a 6 foot 5 inch bouncer and ended up with a giant handprint on your face, as well as being a joke on the internet for years to come. I'm sure your parents are proud.

To many, this was just an ordinary slap, a normal scuffle that takes place too often if you ride the subway out here, especially at night. But this was much deeper than that. In fact, this was deeper than rap (that doesn't make sense, it just sounds cool). Let me explain.

The slap helped spark the discussion about what should be the proper actions of a man after he is struck by a woman first. I believe in equality for all, regardless of gender. If you're a woman applying for a job and you are equally qualified as a man, you deserve equal consideration. If you're a woman doing the same job as a man, you deserve the same pay. And finally, if you hit a man first, you deserve to get your ass hit back. It's that simple. Equality is not a one-way street that can be used for convenience. You live by equality, you die by equality. Or you get slapped by it.

More importantly, the slap put the spotlight on these hood rats who run around the city starting trouble. So many times, I've seen these morons make a scene and watch them do it with no consequence. Not this time, not while young Jorge is around. That's why watching this clip is so sweet. Jorge Pena is an avenger... a freedom fighter... who is the closest thing this weak ass generation will get to a civil rights movement. Rosa Parks sat and stood up to segregation. Martin Luther King Jr. spoke for a voiceless population. In 2014, we'll have to settle for a Dominican immigrant slapping the shit out of a ratchet hoe.

With that said, thank you, Jorge, for your tremendous act... and hopefully chickenheads worldwide will act just a little bit more civilized because of your infamous slap.


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