First off... HAPPY NEW YEAR, SMUTS!
If this is the first time you've been insulted in 2015, pat yourself on the back, you over-privileged lil turd. And digest that second insult while you're at it. (BTW, my new year's resolution was to be nicer. So much for that.)
I know I haven't posted since February. But new year... same me. Let's not pretend that this year is going to be any different. I always post heavy in January, only to fizzle out by March. I make no promises that I'll be able to keep up throughout the year so enjoy these posts while they're here.
The good news is... I come bearing predictions! This was one of the staple's of this blog when I first created it so I decided to bring it back because... really, I was bored as shit this morning. But my boredom is your delight! Now let's stop the foreplay and get straight to the action.
PANTHERS over Cardinals
We see this often enough. A team gets into the playoffs with a mediocre record because they won their shitty division, only to be rewarded with a home game and, usually, a victory. In some cases, it comes as a huge upset, like Seattle did to New Orleans in 2011. In this case, Carolina is nearly a touchdown favorite over the Ryan Lindley(?!?) led Cardinals. It is entirely possible that Carolina blew their load last week, with their 34-3 torching of the suspect Falcons. It is probable, however, that Lindley takes a massive shit all over BOA stadium as the Panthers defense realizes their potential from last year.
STEELERS over Ravens
This is the prediction I feel least confident about, so don't bite my head off if I'm wrong. With star running back Le'veon Bell sidelined, it will be up to Big Ben to light up the Baltimore secondary. And that is exactly what I plan for him to do. Antonio Brown and Martavius Bryant should dominate tonight and maybe undrafted rookie Josh Harris gives them enough of a punch to hold on. If Pittsburgh advances and Bell is able to return, this will officially become the team you don't want to face going forward.
COLTS over Bengals
And now to the game I feel the most confident about. Did you see last year's playoffs? The one that Andrew Luck led his team back from a 28-point deficit against the Chiefs? Or the one that Andy Dalton completely SUCKED in again? I know there will be numerous big names on the field for this game... TY Hilton and AJ Green, to name two... but nowhere will there be as big of a mismatch as at the quarterback position. Have ultimate faith in Luck, who followed up his playoff success last year with a massive statistical year this season. Dalton? Still waiting for his first playoff win. And he will keep waiting after this weekend.
COWBOYS over Lions
If you only knew how much I want to pick against the Cowboys here. I was hoping perennial chokers Dallas would face a stiff test in the first round of the playoffs. But noooooooo. The Lions are not short of talent, but somehow the sum of their parts is less than their equal. (I am 98% sure that didn't make any sense.) The only hope Detroit has is that their pass rush rattles Romo, but with Dallas sporting one of the, if not the best offensive line in the game, I expect the Cowboys' offense to put up some serious points. In the second round, I guarantee I am picking against Dallas... but for now, give me the Cowboys, and I don't think it will be close.
First post of 2015 in the books! Lots of good shit to follow, though. My annual 'favorite songs of the year' countdown, favorite album of the year (guarantee you will never guess), worst songs of 2014 (so many to name), as well as more NFL playoff predictions. So stay tuned, amigos!
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